He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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