you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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