in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
