and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
