There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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