Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
