ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
