you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
