If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
