Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
