we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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