can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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