I accidentally had phone sex last night
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
