A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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