i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
