where am i from again
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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