Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
