Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
