I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
