dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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