I can't breathe out the right side of my face
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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