Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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