Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
FUCK WHALES
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