i just google imaged poop.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
