I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he thought i was a dude.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
