wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
