You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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