My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
