i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
