listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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