To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
