Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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