You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sorry my hands just texted you
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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