Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
