Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How does it feel to date your dad?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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