You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
