i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Too much gin, very little bucket
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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