Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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