Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
