I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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