my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
