I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
