Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
