Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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