I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
