Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
