I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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