Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
