we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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