im having a threesome with these popsicles
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I will pee on everything he values.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
